


Potter's Horrible Muggle Contraption

by delectablydead



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 17:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17187077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delectablydead/pseuds/delectablydead
Summary: I left this note on someone's car at work because they had a Gryffindor decal and I'm an adult.





	Potter's Horrible Muggle Contraption

**Author's Note:**

> My coworker came up to me at work one day and said "we have to discuss the situation in the parking lot."
> 
> So I said "okay, what's up?"
> 
> "The car with a Gryffindor sticker. It's unacceptable. We should write a letter of complaint."
> 
> I of course immediately wrote this letter, addressed it to the appropriate license plate, added a Draco Malfoy forever stamp, and put it on the car.

Potter:

I can no longer tolerate your behavior. First off, I have to witness your horrible muggle transportation contraption every morning at work. Why can’t you just apparate like a self-respecting wizard?

I see you expect me to pollute my vision with your horrible Gryffindor git advertisement as well. This is unconscionable.

I would have thought, after your many misadventures in Gryffindor house, you’d have caught on by now. Apparently you’re even thicker than Goyle. You see, the cause of your trouble at Hogwarts—well, it was mostly you—but it was also Gryffindor. Allow me to explain.

Gryffindor takes children who have been coddled and fed lies about the wizarding world, and teaches them to feel confident in their naive untruths. Even worse, it teaches them to be brave. Bravery, of course, is just another word for stupidity. What good did your bravery do you when you didn’t defeat The Dark Lord the first six times? Seems excessive.

The arrogance of Gryffindors teaches them that the rules don’t matter. Slytherins create their own rules all while intelligently navigating the rules that already exist, but Gryffindors think they are above the rules when it suits them. Picking and choosing which rules to follow because you’re oh-so-important makes me want to vomit. Case in point: that time you flew a MUGGLE CAR to Hogwarts because you missed the train. I’m still appalled that you didn’t get expelled.

To be honest, Gryffindors have a warped sense of morality. Do you remember that time you “saved” Fleur’s sister in the Triwizard Tournament? You did not need to. Did you really think a Headmaster would let a child die in that tournament? The professors were practically babysitting you through each of the trials. You accomplished nothing by rescuing that girl, and your “morality” nearly landed you in last place.

Obviously there is only one way to resolve this situation, Potter. Remove that eyesore of a Gryffindor decoration from your muggle abomination immediately. I do not wish to endure this nonsense at work.

Sardonically,  
Draco Malfoy


End file.
